After graduating from Whitman in 2015, I thought I would go back to school a lot sooner. Then I learned to love not being a student. I built a beautiful life that involved setting up a home for myself, jobs with wonderful people, and exploring my neighborhood and city – learning to love it. I…
In a lifetime that feels long ago, but also present, I listened to a life-changing book. I followed that author from book to podcast and back and forth again. Now she shows up in my email on a semi-regular basis. Cheryl Strayed changed her life when she packed up and decided to hike the Pacific…
The last time I went to church for myself was Sunday, June 28th, 2015. Two days after the victorious decision on Obergefell v. Hodges. I think I needed to see for myself. Apart from a couple years spent in Norway, I attended the same church my entire childhood. I felt at home there. Every week…
Fearful in Friendship I have written before about friendships that have ended and how that leaves me wondering whether I can own any part of our relationship. Are the memories of fun adventures, bonding, and togetherness still filed under “happy times?” Do I transfer them to “unhappy memories?” Or do I try to ignore them…
I don’t remember a time when I had a healthy relationship with food. I’m sure when I was very small, I ate to satisfy my intuition and had no internal dialogue or shame about the choices I was making. Obviously when I was very young, I did not criticize or dislike my own body. I…
I do not think anyone needs me to summarize for them why life has been so difficult this past week, month, year. Everyone I have talked to is feeling the pain, uncertainty, and sadness. There is a lot of sadness in our lives right now. I am trying to figure out how to move forward….
Living with an emotional burden If you only have time for one new thing today, please skip my blog and instead check out Natal. This podcast is about having a baby while Black in the United States. As a lover of mothers and babies, it captured my attention and shares stories I had not heard….
If you only have time to read one thing today, please skip my blog and read this article from Tiara Darnell published by Portland Monthly Magazine. I spend a lot of time thinking and a lot of time thinking about how I am thinking. I can easily get lost inside my brain. While I enjoy…
I acknowledge the injustice, I accept responsibility for complacency, and I vow to listen, learn, and fight. I have intentionally taken a couple weeks off from posting to my blog, but I realize that just being silent without an explanation is not useful. Although my blog audience is small, I do not believe that gives…
Why does it hurt so much when friendships end? In a perfect world, I would remain friends with everyone forever. I would have time and energy to maintain every friendship. I would have memory capacity for everyone’s birthday and life events. Every time I saw an old friend I would be filled with joy and…
I have the strength to deal with this time. I have the strength to stick to my choices. I have the strength to learn new skills. I have the strength to change my mind. I have the strength to be patient with myself and others. I have the strength to persist. I have the strength…
When I was 15 one of my close friends came out to me. In those days, I pretty strongly believed that being gay was wrong and antithetical to Christianity. While I believe I handled my response as best as could be expected coming from an ignorant know-it-all teenager, I know I did not make my…
I have been a nanny since graduating from college in 2015. At first I expected it to be temporary, and when I realized that was not the case, I felt insecure. I knew I loved my job, but I could also perceive that other people expected me to move on. People wanted nannying to be…
The Harry Potter books were hugely popular when I was a child. They still are, I think, but growing up during the publications was a whole other experience. I never read them as a kid, though. For various reasons, I was pretty adamant that those books were not for me. I did not read much…
The Case for Secular Easter I grew up Christian. My parents took me to church just as their parents took them to church. And yes I had Sunday school teachers and pastors who guided me, but I felt self-driven. Unlike some children who were not interested or felt forced, I was committed, interested, and liked…
I have recently been struggling with how to live life under the current circumstances. My twenties have largely been about living the life I did not live in my childhood and teens. That is not to say that I had a bad childhood, but rather that I often sat on the sidelines. I had interests,…
I wrote this essay as a reflection a couple months ago. This evening I went to a house concert. One of my old Whitman music major comrades, Maya Elise, organized a concert with a couple other groups of powerful female musicians. I have been watching Maya’s concert schedule for the past couples years, wondering when…
Maybe you have read or thought about coronavirus enough and do not want to spend another five minutes hearing another person’s perspective. I understand that! I was very conflicted about whether or not I would write on this subject. However, it has really been hard to think about much else this week, and I am…
Last week I did something I was not confident about. Spurred on by a conversation with a couple friends, I shared a link to my blog on my Instagram page. I wanted to make a commitment to myself and this project, but this was a difficult step to take. It was easy for me to…
I always wondered how people ended up with personal mantras. Mine just sort of happened and my life sort of changed. Don’t be unnecessarily afraid. I have mentioned my mantra before. It plays an active role in my daily life. Here is how I describe it: There is necessary fear that keeps us alive, but…
My Five Stages of Travel Emotions When I was growing up, I thought traveling had to contain a level of stress and misery. It always included running through airports, waiting for hours while our flight schedules were rearranged, arguing with my sister, and being told to keep my mouth shut about dishonesty on our customs…
I was actually excited to start my period last night. Partially because my cycle was at the 44 day point, so it was time. I had no fear of pregnancy, and was pretty calm about my late period – I just ran a half marathon about 10 days ago and know that towards the end…
The Yoga Retreat that Calmed My Mind I went to a yoga retreat last fall during a particularly challenging time in my brain. There was very little from an outsider’s perspective that might lead people to believe that I was struggling. I could not quite put a pin in my emotional turmoil, but I was…
If you have had more than one conversation with me, you have probably heard me reference Gretchen Rubin. A couple years ago I realized that although I loved my job, was physically fit, and had good friends, I was not sure how happy I was. As per my usual strategy when I come across any…
When I was a kid I assumed I got them from the cherry tree in our backyard. The cherries would sometimes get maggots in them. We normally ate them anyway. If it was a really bad year for them we cut the cherries in half and rinsed out the maggots before eating handfuls. They are…
What makes one person’s body inherently better than another? Why are skinny bodies more valuable than bodies with more fat on them? Is it because we believe skinny people have more self-control? Is it because we believe skinny people are consuming fewer resources than fat people? In an art history course in college, I learned…
Reflecting on the Last Ten Years I can run. Ten years ago I couldn’t run even one mile. I also couldn’t run 5 years ago. I started running in the fall of 2015 with a gradual program, and in the years since have run 4 half-marathons. If 16 year-old Amalia could have known that I…
