I always wondered how people ended up with personal mantras. Mine just sort of happened and my life sort of changed.
Don’t be unnecessarily afraid.
I have mentioned my mantra before.
It plays an active role in my daily life. Here is how I describe it:
There is necessary fear that keeps us alive, but there is also unnecessary fear that keeps us from living. I think people reside somewhere on a spectrum between overly fearful and recklessly fearless. I am by nature very close to the overly fearful side. I missed out on a lot of fun experiences as a child because I allowed my fear to take over and make my decisions. I always kept my feet near the ground, kept a slower pace, and stayed close to home. I did not challenge myself.
A few years ago, I was training to be a ski instructor, and decided I wanted to push my skiing to a higher level. I had never been a particularly risky skier, although I had above average technique. I wanted to be comfortable skiing backwards, on one ski, spinning whirly-birds, hitting jumps and small features, and most uncomfortably, attacking steeper terrain. In the past, when I came to a fork in the hill, where one run was more gentle and within my comfort zone, I would always choose that over a run that was steeper, bumpier, icier, or otherwise less familiar. Skiing is meant to be fun, after all. There is no point in forcing oneself if that means being miserable. Yet, sometime around there I realized that I would never improve without trying harder tasks and runs. So I leveled with myself. I was allowed to be afraid of things that would cause injury, but I could not let fear take over.
Don’t be unnecessarily afraid.
I take a deep breath. Tell myself I will do it. And go before I can change my mind. Once committed, it is too late to turn back.
Over that season and the next couple, my skiing improved significantly. I feel like my skis are a connection of my body in a way I did not think was possible. I can ski an entire run on one ski. I can ski backwards. I hit small boxes and jumps. I can spin chains of whirly-birds, although sometimes I catch an edge and crash, and I am more willing to adventure into more challenging terrain. I have more fun skiing and playing in this way, and I feel a boost of confidence when I recognize that I made this happen by overcoming fear.
When ski season ended and summer came, I had the chance to learn how to kiteboard. It looked like a lot of work, and from an outsider’s perspective, it looks like a pretty dangerous and wild sport. I was definitely afraid, but I also wanted to learn! I dug deep and said yes, although I did not feel particularly excited about that choice, and banished my unnecessary fear.
That was the best choice I have ever made.
Kiteboarding has changed my life! It has brought in new friends that I adore, made me stronger, taught me to push limits, forced me to be more independent, and allows me to fly.
Time and again my mantra has served me well.
Don’t be unnecessarily afraid.
While visiting my friends in Australia, we planned to go to the cable park for an evening. I pretended to be looking forward to it when I was with my friends, but I did not allow myself to give this plan much thought. (Sometimes I trick myself like a parent that saves bad news for the last possible moment.) When we arrived at the cable park, my friend asked if I was excited.
“That’s not the word I would use.”
I think she was worried that I would not have fun. But I was not. I knew I would have fun once I gave it a try. Although I was afraid and not particularly excited, I pushed those unhelpful fears away, strapped into my board, and got in line.
Of course, I had a blast! I got flung around in the water quite a bit, and increasingly so when my upper arms had given it all they had, but I also felt comfortable moving the board around under my feet, kept my cool while maneuvering the high speed corners, and tried riding a kicker, all with a giddy grin on my face.
By the looks of it, I did not do anything all that spectacular. But I chose to overcome my fear and anxiety of the unknown, trust that I would have fun, and I lived the bigger life because of that.
I sound like a super bad-ass athlete woman, and that is not me. But I am also not the fearful child that stuck to the sidelines. I am ready to get out and try things. Maybe they will stick or maybe they are one-offs, but each time I abandon my unnecessary fear, I add a building block to my bolder life.
The easiest application of my mantra is activities, but it also applies to saying the hard things, answering the phone when I do not want to, asking for what I need, flu vaccines, traveling, life changes and so much more. For a person who is by nature timid, prefers consistency, and might be inclined to hide in a shell, going out into the world and living large can be a challenge. I wonder if I will ever outgrow my timidity, or if this will always be my nature. If I cannot abandon my nature, I can maintain my mantra.
Don’t be unnecessarily afraid.