How to Live Life: Be Bold from Home

I have recently been struggling with how to live life under the current circumstances.

My twenties have largely been about living the life I did not live in my childhood and teens. That is not to say that I had a bad childhood, but rather that I often sat on the sidelines. I had interests, friends, and mischief, but I mostly avoided activities that pushed me outside my comfort zone.

When I decided it was time to let go of my unnecessary fear, I made an active choice to change.

I have gotten much better at this, although it is not always easy. Sometimes my kneejerk reaction is to say no or skip out. Sometimes I can catch myself in the moment and other times I have to take a step back to ask myself why I am so resistant. If I can acknowledge that I am declining because I do not like to be uncomfortable, sometimes that is enough to satisfy my fear. I tell myself “I know this is hard, but I want you to try.” I have developed a shocking number of strategies to get myself off the couch.

So are you wondering how I am handling social distancing?  A couple weeks ago I was very mopey, sad, grumpy, and overall pessimistic about my sanity. There was also I time when I felt a modicum of relief at being able to cancel some obligations and slow down with life. But then I got a bit fearful.

I have started to worry about this blog recently. I expected to have life experiences and conversations that would make me think and those thoughts would develop into blog posts. In many ways, life has shut down right now. How am I supposed to live a bolder life when I am stuck in my studio apartment? Sometimes it feels like this is the universe telling me to give in to the fear inside me that always prefers to stay home. I actively made a choice in the last couple years to resist that fear and try new things. In many cases, things I always wanted to try.

And in some cases it is just a matter of taking a deep breath and doing what needs to be done.

The boldest thing I did this week was wear a face mask in public.

When I first heard the CDC recommendation to wear face masks anytime I went into a public place, especially inside, I bristled. I do not want to do that, I thought. I will not do that. But then I asked myself why. Why exactly do I hate this idea? I think it is pretty simple. I did not want to look stupid and I thought I would look stupid in a face mask. It felt like wearing a Halloween costume on a random Saturday morning. Once I confronted myself about the root of my fear, it was time to challenge myself to facing my fear.

I went to the farmers’ market with my buff-turned-face mask. After parking my car, I had a little chat with myself about wearing it. Yes, I might feel uncomfortable, but I just had to do it. (You would have thought I was psyching myself up to strip naked.) Guess what? I felt pretty uncomfortable at first, sure everyone thought I looked ridiculous and could tell how uncomfortable I was. This was the right thing to do, so I told myself to get over it. And the first vendor I talked to complimented my face mask!

I looked around. Almost everyone had their faces covered. No one thought anything about my face. And I did not think anyone looked ridiculous or uncomfortable! But I will still give myself credit for being bold.

I will continue to look for ways to challenge myself and practice being bolder. It is a skill I have been honing in the recent years and I do not want to let it slide, even if the applications are different than I could have ever imagined.

I do not know what life will look like in the future nor do I know when that new normal will settle in, but I know that we cannot stop time. Humanity is reeling right now and economies have halted, but we do not have the power to push pause on life. It will go on and I do not want to waste this time. Is this how I planned to be spending spring of 2020? Of course not! And as dates of plans I had previously made come and go I will mourn the loss of those experiences, but I will also be looking for new ways to live a full life.